I love when people tell funny stories. I don't love when I meet a guy and every single one of his stories starts with "this one time, when I was drunk..."
I met a guy this past weekend at a bar, and even though I automatically found him a little creepy from first glance, my judgements progressively got worse as he continued to speak in the most unintelligent fashion I've ever encountered. He proceeded to tell me about the time he got really drunk at a race (strike one) and broke a vending machine because it stole his money (strike two). After the murder of the vending machine, he tried to steal a four-wheeler, not knowing that it's owner was right behind him when he tried to drive off on it (strike 3).
When I was obviously uninterested, he decided the best solution was to get off of his seat and stand terribly close to me. He then got in a racial argument with his friend, dropping the n-bomb left and right.
Also that same evening, I encountered a 65-year sugar daddy bumpin & grindin with his three 26-year old sugar mamas (a brunette, a blonde & a black girl).
I left the bar that night thinking, what just happened?
Sunday, February 28, 2010
"If I could find a girl who was exactly like you...."
"...but not you, I'd be all over her". Ah, what a punchline.
Even if you are just friends, that's not at all what a girl wants to hear. It leads you into the "well why not me? what's wrong with me?" conversation that probably should be avoided.
Even if you are just friends, that's not at all what a girl wants to hear. It leads you into the "well why not me? what's wrong with me?" conversation that probably should be avoided.
Monday, February 15, 2010
"You have a decent face..."
I feel like this quote speaks for itself in the way that it's still unfathomable to me that somebody said this.
My friends and I are in a collegiate all-female acappella group, and we pride ourselves on, not only being talented, but also easy on the eyes. Sometimes we host all-male groups from other schools if they are on tour or whatever....we house them, provide all of the necessities for a good night & most likely, we've never met them until they show up at our doorstep. When they leave, we mentally categorize them on one of three lists:
List 1 contains groups who are ridiculously fun, talented, hott & well mannered (VERY hard to come by). We drop anything else for an opportunity to host a List 1 group. List 2 is where most of them fall...a good time, sound pretty good and a couple of attractive ones. You know, they're in the area, so sure...why not? It'll be fun. List 3 is groups that we blacklist...they're painful to listen to, awkward or bizarre, they break stuff in our houses & they try to roofy us. Yes, it's happened.
About a month ago, we hosted a group of guys from Drew University. They stayed at my house, we gave them free food, etc...and just when they were teetering between Lists 1 & 2, one single member made the entire group's reputation plummet to List 17.
My good friend Colleen is a beautiful girl. Shiny blonde hair, big brown eyes, beautiful smile, etc. She I were talking to this guy and telling him how he reminds us of someone we know...blah blah blah. As the conversation progressed, he then proceeded to tell her that she has a "decent face". When she responded with a shocked look, he replied "I mean...I'm sure you have a great personality." My reaction was one of confusion, because I didn't know whether or not he was kidding. I just assumed he was, because I didn't think anyone could be that rude. Or stupid. He then turned to me and said, "Oh you don't like that? Wait until you hear what I have to say about you..."
The entire group of guys apologized on this one member's behalf for the rest of the night saying that he was "socially awkward" and had "no filter". If that's so, then why'd they let him out of his cage?
Don't they know he is singlehandedly ruining any chance they have to get with any girl EVER?
My friends and I are in a collegiate all-female acappella group, and we pride ourselves on, not only being talented, but also easy on the eyes. Sometimes we host all-male groups from other schools if they are on tour or whatever....we house them, provide all of the necessities for a good night & most likely, we've never met them until they show up at our doorstep. When they leave, we mentally categorize them on one of three lists:
1. Hell Yeah
2. Sure, Why Not?
3. Hell No
List 1 contains groups who are ridiculously fun, talented, hott & well mannered (VERY hard to come by). We drop anything else for an opportunity to host a List 1 group. List 2 is where most of them fall...a good time, sound pretty good and a couple of attractive ones. You know, they're in the area, so sure...why not? It'll be fun. List 3 is groups that we blacklist...they're painful to listen to, awkward or bizarre, they break stuff in our houses & they try to roofy us. Yes, it's happened.
About a month ago, we hosted a group of guys from Drew University. They stayed at my house, we gave them free food, etc...and just when they were teetering between Lists 1 & 2, one single member made the entire group's reputation plummet to List 17.
My good friend Colleen is a beautiful girl. Shiny blonde hair, big brown eyes, beautiful smile, etc. She I were talking to this guy and telling him how he reminds us of someone we know...blah blah blah. As the conversation progressed, he then proceeded to tell her that she has a "decent face". When she responded with a shocked look, he replied "I mean...I'm sure you have a great personality." My reaction was one of confusion, because I didn't know whether or not he was kidding. I just assumed he was, because I didn't think anyone could be that rude. Or stupid. He then turned to me and said, "Oh you don't like that? Wait until you hear what I have to say about you..."
The entire group of guys apologized on this one member's behalf for the rest of the night saying that he was "socially awkward" and had "no filter". If that's so, then why'd they let him out of his cage?
Don't they know he is singlehandedly ruining any chance they have to get with any girl EVER?
Sunday, February 14, 2010
"You look like a Simpson's character."
Ok, for my first real post (and in honor of Facebook doppelgangers), I thought I'd start off with one of my favorites.
It's one thing to tell a girl that she looks like someone you know. It's another thing to tell her she looks like someone that's famous. It's a completely different ball game if you tell a girl that she looks like a yellow cartoon character that has enormous eyes and a spiked head.
I was at a party once and a guy (a friend) came up to me and said "Hey...you know what you look like?" I knew that the answer couldn't be anything I was hoping for once he said 'what' and not 'who'. I'm not sure if I even asked for the punchline. His next sentence was "You look like a Simpson's character."
Seriously? Even if I was 2-dimensional with blue, fallic-shaped hair, you DON'T tell someone they look like a member of the Simpsons unless it's October 31st. I'm pretty sure my initial response was thinking I didn't hear him correctly. Maybe he was trying to say something in relation to Jessica or Ashlee or OJ? Something better than Bart, Lisa, Marge or Homer...
Nope. I heard him correctly. My next reaction was to take an immediate poll of the party and ask which of the two of us looked more like a cartoon character. Of course everyone said he did, because he actually does look like a caricature of himself. Needless to say, he ended up looking like an idiot.
Really, don't tell a girl they look like a cartoon unless you're referring to a Disney princess or Jessica Rabbit.
It's one thing to tell a girl that she looks like someone you know. It's another thing to tell her she looks like someone that's famous. It's a completely different ball game if you tell a girl that she looks like a yellow cartoon character that has enormous eyes and a spiked head.
I was at a party once and a guy (a friend) came up to me and said "Hey...you know what you look like?" I knew that the answer couldn't be anything I was hoping for once he said 'what' and not 'who'. I'm not sure if I even asked for the punchline. His next sentence was "You look like a Simpson's character."
Seriously? Even if I was 2-dimensional with blue, fallic-shaped hair, you DON'T tell someone they look like a member of the Simpsons unless it's October 31st. I'm pretty sure my initial response was thinking I didn't hear him correctly. Maybe he was trying to say something in relation to Jessica or Ashlee or OJ? Something better than Bart, Lisa, Marge or Homer...
Nope. I heard him correctly. My next reaction was to take an immediate poll of the party and ask which of the two of us looked more like a cartoon character. Of course everyone said he did, because he actually does look like a caricature of himself. Needless to say, he ended up looking like an idiot.
Really, don't tell a girl they look like a cartoon unless you're referring to a Disney princess or Jessica Rabbit.
Relationships. We all have them, and I've had my fair share of weird ones.
I've recently been telling stories (horror, comedic, romantic, you name it...) to my friends about my past relationships, and I've found that almost all of them end with me saying "Can you believe he said that?" or them saying "He did WHAT?"
Yes, you know the moment where you're recounting an incident that happened between you and some guy...the moment where you think about the words that came out of his mouth and you start to wonder if he even has a brain other than the one between his legs.
Here, I will share with you the most ridiculous things I have heard guys say to me & my friends. Feel free to chime in & comment, because I know we've all been there...
Welcome to the launch of my new blog, Did He Just Say That?
I've recently been telling stories (horror, comedic, romantic, you name it...) to my friends about my past relationships, and I've found that almost all of them end with me saying "Can you believe he said that?" or them saying "He did WHAT?"
Yes, you know the moment where you're recounting an incident that happened between you and some guy...the moment where you think about the words that came out of his mouth and you start to wonder if he even has a brain other than the one between his legs.
Here, I will share with you the most ridiculous things I have heard guys say to me & my friends. Feel free to chime in & comment, because I know we've all been there...
Welcome to the launch of my new blog, Did He Just Say That?
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